Dear Abby: Boyfriend's holiday texts to his ex hurt my feelings

FOR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for six years. We are both divorced. We plan to get married in six months. He's the perfect match except for one thing. Every vacation, he jumps out of bed in the morning and takes his cell phone to the bathroom. There he texted his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend. He felt the need to wish them a happy holiday. This hurts my feelings.

I don't understand why it was so important for him to contact them. Apparently, they are the first thing on his mind every holiday, or maybe every day. I don't know if I should marry him. I believe he still loves his ex-wife. Please. — SUSPICIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I'm going to assume that over the last six years you've discussed this at least once with your boyfriend. This means he knows that when he jumps out of bed, grabs his phone, and hides in the bathroom to text his ex, it makes you feel insecure.

If you think he might still be in love with his ex-wife, don't marry this person. Since you both intend to move on to the next level (engagement), it's time for you to seek premarital counseling. If you do, you'll be discussing topics like money, parenting, and anything else he's doing that makes you uncomfortable (and vice versa). This will help you avoid conflict after you are married.

FOR ABBY: I live in a small town with a population of about 10,000 people. There's almost nothing to do here. There is an ice skating rink, a cinema and a bowling alley. Since bowling in the league was a weekly thing I joined him.

Our bowling center has been purchased by a former professional bowler. He has put together a team consisting of himself, his fiancé, his son, and a friend who are all top bowlers. His son scores in the high 200s every game he plays. Because they own the place, they get unlimited practice. Lady pro had taught them everything she knew. We all stand no chance of winning the game against them. Should I just ignore it and think of it as a night out, and accept that when we go up against the “big guns,” as they call it, we can count on defeat?

It's true that it's not about winning; it's about having fun. But it's sad that we already know the results before the night starts. There are other leagues to follow. Maybe I should join one of them? If we all go out one by one, I'm sure they will find out what happened. Any suggestion? — THE AVERAGE BOWLER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BOWLER: Talk to the new owner of the bowling alley and let him know how you and the other players feel. This is his livelihood, and he needs to know that maybe it's time to start a new league with less trained bowlers like you. If she's a good businesswoman, she'll be open to it. If not, you and others will have to take your business elsewhere.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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