Dear Abby: Boyfriend's holiday texts to his ex hurt my feelings

FOR ABBY: I am heartbroken over the loss of my best friend of over 30 years. “Barb” and I met in college. We lived and raised our families in the same town and were godmothers to each other's children. My kids and him grew up together and are great friends.

My friendship with Barb ended abruptly about six months ago at my daughter's wedding. Barb drank heavily at the reception. When he was ready to go home, my son and I walked out with him and quietly told him we would drive him home. Barb insisted on driving home herself, even though we knew she was too drunk to get there safely.

We ended up having to physically retrieve his keys so he couldn't drive himself. This was done away from the party so as not to make a scene. Barb finally agreed, but during the ride she announced that our friendship was over. I assumed he would call me in the next few days, embarrassed by his behavior, and all would be well again.

On the contrary, he wants nothing to do with me or my family! He has forbidden me or my children from entering his house and will not answer my calls. I never knew Barb to be vengeful, and I'm confused by her behavior. I know if the situation happened again, I still wouldn't let him drive drunk. I care too much about him and his kids to let him take that risk. Do you think there is hope for a new friendship? — UNCONSOLIDATED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR INCONSOLABLE: No, I do not. You're worried that your friend might cause an accident, injure himself or others, or get arrested for a DUI. Under those circumstances, you did the right thing, and Barb should be thanking you instead of punishing you for your good deed. He owes you an apology. For your own sake, take a step back. The ball is in Barb's court, and you can't get him to stop dropping it.

FOR ABBY: I'm in a relationship with a beautiful, smart, funny woman. He has made me want to be a better person. He is the love of my life, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But he had a problem: He stole from storage units, taking other people's personal belongings, memorabilia and valuables they worked on and kept for who knows how many years.

I can't stand thieves. It pisses me off when he does this. I have threatened to call the police, tell his family or leave him to try to stop it. It caused so many problems between us. I'm at the end of my rope. I don't want to lose him, but I can't watch him anymore. What do I have to do? — OFF IN TEXAS

DEAR OFF: Is this “pretty, smart, funny” woman stealing for profit or on an impulse she can't resist? If it's the latter, he needs professional help. If it's the former, then realize that if the authorities find out and you move in together, you'll both be accused of possessing stolen property, which is a crime. The best thing you can do for both of you is to urge him to get professional help before moving forward with this relationship.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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